It’s easy to believe in things. It’s a lot harder to not believe in stuff, but I try my hardest. Quantum theory just makes it that much harder, but I’m always up for a challenge. So, without further waste of pixels, ten things, in no particular order, I refuse to believe in:
Hell
Frankly, I think heaven and hell would both be the same place. Maybe with a soundtrack change. I was raised Catholic, and Vatican II clearly states there’s no hell, so it’s easy. But because I’m a non-practicing Catholic, it’s a little more tricky. Using the incisive (but blind, and quite possibly mentally handicapped) blade of cold blue logic, I can argue that christianity is based on the bible, and the bible clearly states that god is all-forgiving, obviating the lack of need for eternal damnation.
Mind-altering pharmaceuticals for children
ADHD? Bull. While I recognize that Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder exists, I have a very hard time accepting that its so common suddenly that we have to prescribe very powerful mind-altering chemicals to children to get them to sit still in class. Maybe if the parents of those kids would stop feeding them sugar-laced Lucky Charms™ cereal chased by Coca-Cola™ every morning, kicked their asses off the couch and sent them outside to be blinded by the great yellow eye in the sky there’d be a whole lot less ADHD in the world. Pay attention: sugar is a mind-altering substance when taken in quantity.
Jowls
What the hell is the preoccupation with letting old white men with jowls run countries? They think slowly and they’re prone to forget things. They pee themselves sometimes, for crying out loud. And we vote these dirty old men into office time and again, hoping that this wrinkly old bulldog will be better than the last. Maybe it’s the electorate that thinks slowly.
The Freedom of the American Press
Yeah, I know it’s easy to bash the American institution. Popular these days too. But the thing is, Americans believe their press is free from the tampering of dirty old white men with jowls who hold office. Viewed from the long end, the American press is not only not free, years of nepotism has so polluted the line between government and press that it’s impossible to separate their messages any more.
The extreme dangers of Marijuana
Yeah, it can be dangerous in excess, just like everything else. But in moderation, and taken with the care due a chemical that changes the way you think, I think pot can be a good thing. It definitely quiets the mind, leaving it open to hitherto unknown thought processes and ideas. Creativity could be thought of as a rain of particles rushing through the universe, and while the weed cannot make you more creative, it can help make you more receptive to those particles. So can other things, like meditation, but pot will make you giggle more.
Dieting
The original concept of dieting is sound, but the modern meaning of the word makes the whole concept flawed beyond belief. Basically, a “diet” is now a program, either written in a book or offered by some organization, to help you control what you eat in order to “lose weight.” That’s right, a book, written by someone, or a program offered by someone looking to make a quick buck off your low self esteem and high body fat percentage. They’re all designed to fail. As with children, stop eating so damned much and start walking for an hour every day. That’ll pretty much take care of the problem.
Communism was defeated by Democracy
Think about it. It’s like saying the Germans were defeated by walruses in the second world war. It doesn’t make sense. Capitalism is the opposite of Communism, not Democracy. The American propaganda machine has done a fantastic job of linking capitalism and democracy, but that doesn’t change the fact that they are two entirely unrelated things.
Happiness equals dollars
The whole idea that we can somehow buy happiness is often stated, but rarely practiced. Life has become all about the pursuit of money instead of the pursuit of happiness. At one time, perhaps, the two were far closer together, and it was easy to shoot for one to attain the other, but I think modern society has proven that all the pursuit of dollars does is kill us earlier. Charles Kingsley said “we act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all we need to make us happy is something to be enthusiastic about.” There’s deep meaning in this observation.
A higher power is listening
I’m not denying the existence of a “god” or higher power. I have certain beliefs about it that some day I may publish here. Or maybe not. It’s not important. What I don’t believe is that this higher power is listening to each and every one of us, hearing our trite, shallow little prayers and granting them to us. Seriously, what god has the time to answer 30 million prayers about bagging the hot girl after the dance tonight, or one hundred million prayers to win the lottery? Exactly. Old advice is good advice here. The gods help those who help themselves.
The Vespa
Finally, and most importantly, the Vespa. Yes, you read it yesterday. I don’t believe in Vespas. Sure, there’s a website, and most definitely images of them are plastered all over the television and movie screens. They’re apparently quite trendy right now. Or would be, if they were anything other than a shared hallucination. I cannot emphasize the depth of my disbelief in the Vespa. They concept is just too damned practical to be real.
What are you talking about? You obviously haven’t had to go to a sleep clinic.