I took a long long walk last night. It was very beneficial, aside from the obvious health benefits of walking for two hours. It was night, my favorite time of the day, and it was warm, and calm.
It helped me reign in some of the wild thoughts careening around my mind – thoughts like bulls in china shops, breaking all the pretty things and making it dangerous to walk around barefoot. And I love wandering around the twisty mazes of my mind barefoot.
I feel a lot more at peace today than I have for a little while. It hasn’t been a long time, but it was too long. Too much anger. I hate my anger. I am not, as a general rule, an angry person, but sometimes I get caught in a vortex, and my anger feeds back on itself. I get mad that I’m mad, and I end up very unbalanced.
It’s a disturbing feeling.
But the walk last night, calm, warm, lots of fresh air and lots of time to settle myself down was good. I was able to locate the grain of truth in the center of the pearl of anger I had created.
Keep in mind this doesn’t mean I’ve come to terms with that truth. Just that I know where it is. Locating it made me feel much less off kilter, and more capable of examining myself – not dispassionately, which would be a tragedy, but honestly.
Maybe someday I’ll be able to stand over that truth, and finally figure out what it is.