Art History Event Horizon Friday July 15, 2005, 1 comments

In the beginning, there was art. Because it was so popular, it lasted a really long time, it develped a history. And as with everything, someone decided to become an expert in this history of art.

Thus was created the first Art Historian.

He, or perhaps she, was very cool, and many admired his knowledge of the history of art. He, or she, developed a great following, and the masses demanded to be taught what he (or she, ad nauseum) knew.

Thus was created the first Art History Professor.

He was hired by a university to teach art history, and that very first year, he taught students. The number is irrelevant, but for the sake of clarity we will say there were 30 students, each enrolled for a four year program to learn this great knowledge.

Four years later, 24 students graduated as papered Art Historians, allowing for an attrition rate of 20 percent. The world was now in possession of 24 Art Historians and on Art History Professor. As everyone knows, the only things that an Art Historian can do are be a curator in a museum, pursue a marketing career, or become an Art History Professor.

Allowing for a further attrition rate of 20% lost to marketing and museums, fully 18 of these new Art Historians became Art History Professors, each with 30 students. There were now 19 Art History Professors, with a total of 570 students.

The cycle escalates, and at some point in the future, there will be more Art History students than any other discipline, and More Art History Professors than any other subject of study. Eventually, the education system will become so reliant on Art History revenues that it will no longer be economically able to offer any subject of study except Art History.

This point, which we are rapidly approaching, is called the Art History Event Horizon, a point of no return in which the entire economy of the world will be dictated not by oil, or arms, but Art History. Eventually everyone will be an Art History professor, including those in marketing and museums. This is due to the fact that museums will no longer required as everyone is already an Art Historian, and marketing will be irrelevant because there will only be Art Historians, and marketing would be preaching to the choir.

Since it’s a well known fact that those who are ignorant of history are doomed to repeat it, there will NOT be a revolution against the Art History institution, and the whole of society will grind to a halt (Art History doesn’t exactly feed mouths).

Chaos will ensue. The end will be nigh, as they say, but it will surprise nobody, as it was predicted (and elegantly documented in thousands of textbooks) by dozens of artists.


Jeff Friday July 15, 2005

Man thats so good stuff. it doesn’t hurt that Art keeps us all going. Doesn’t hafta be the tradition definition of “art” either. Most things can be construed as art. Man we are in trouble.

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